Earlier this year I was sitting on a beach on the other side of the world, talking to an 18 year old girl who was feeling pressured into having one night stands. We chatted over a bucket of unsanctioned vodka until 5am, and as she sobbed into her fluoro t-shirt she asked me in a shaking voice, “how do you know so much about sex?” I replied offhandedly “well Katie, you’ve been having sex for 8 months…I’ve been having sex for over 8 years”. At the time I merely meant this as a humorous comment, but it got me thinking. I’ve been having sex for close to a decade, and I’m only just beginning to figure out what it is that I really want in a sexual partner.
I certainly know what I don’t want. I don’t want someone that makes me feel as though my high sex drive is a chore. I don’t want someone that makes me feel guilty for enjoying sex. And I certainly don’t want someone that puts their own pleasure over and above my own. Too many times have I had sex with a boyfriend, for them to come first, and to simply roll over. Job done. I’m tired of having moments of self reflection during post-sex clean up, with a wet tissue disintegrating in my hand, feeling as though my needs are too demanding and that my voracious sexual appetite is somehow a problem. Thankfully I’ve recently found someone who embraces me for all aspects of who I am; geek, feminist, literati, sexpot. And I for one can’t wait to go exploring.
The best part is that I’m finally comfortable, and that’s one of the key aspects I want to propagate through TLB. Comfort. Comfort in who you are and what you like. This blog is a space for me to explore and reflect. A place where I can discuss the most hilarious and fun aspects of my sex life (past and present) in a way that I feel truly reflects sex for most women today; self-empowered, hysterical, and sensual. There will be no step-by-step guides. There will be no fluffy pink borders. No photos of softly lit couples with ‘perfect’ bodies overlaid with idiotic quotes. No bullshit ideals which posit what gets you off, as off-centre. Putting this simply, the TLB is an alternative guide to all things sex by two twenty something girls with breasts and brains. Two people who are sick of operating within the corseted moulds of a cosmo-defined ‘normal’ sexuality. The site will be a mixture of Sex and the City (but not shit), meets Secret Diary of a Call Girl (again not shit), in dialogue with Helene Cixous and Luce Irigaray; a place to stimulate your vagina and brain all at the same time. It is going to be quite simply, the naked truth.
Let’s get it on.