What to Expect When You’re Waxing

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My quick guide to your first ever waxing session. Stupid questions people are too afraid to ask, if you want to know anything else don’t hesitate to comment!

Does it hurt?

The short (and curly) answer is, yes.

Don’t let magazines/adverts/TV fool you, you’re ripping hair from its root and that WILL hurt, perhaps even more so than any leg-waxing you may have endured; your vagina is more sensitive than your shin after all. The plus side is, the more you wax the thinner hair becomes, so it actually DOES get less painful over time.

You want the hair to be around about half an inch long. Longer and it will hurt. Shorter and they’ll be tweezing at you until sunset.

What do I wear?

I now opt for a dress/skirt outfit with a scummy thong or bikini style panties. You will likely get wax on your underwear so don’t wear your best silky pair, loose fitting cotton is the best idea in order to help the skin breathe. Tight clothing tends to lead to ingrown hairs, which I’ll talk about in a bit. Also a dress gives you an excuse to twirl.

What happens before the wax, do I just drop my pants and lie spread eagle on a bench?

You’re most often led into a incense ridden room with weird floaty music playing and given 5 minutes alone to sort yourself out. I tend to carry wet wipes and have a quick once over before the actual event, I view it the same as brushing your teeth before going to the dentist. They usually provide you with a pair of horrific paper panties to cover your underwear with, but if you’re wearing your trusty cotton undies you don’t need to wear the weird diaper creation. Just hop up on the bed, hike your skirt up and cover your pubic area with the towel they provide. Expect to stare at the brightly lit ceiling for about 5 minutes, coughing discreetly to signal that you’re ready for her to come back in.

Will she see my whole vagina?

It depends on the type of wax you’re going for. Standard usually doesn’t entail any vagina action, but the Brazilian and the Hollywood demand hot wax over every area of your labia majora. I’ve not had these but the beauty technicians have seen hundreds of vaginas and are usually very sweet. (prepare yourself for 15-20 minutes of inane conversation).

Right so what the fuck is the difference between Standard, Brazilian and Hollywood?

Standard is the removal of pretty much any hair that peeks outside from your panties. Unfortunately pubic hair is not a sentient being so it doesn’t know that it’s crossed some social rubicon by creeping out from under your silky drawers. The Standard Bikini just pushes back the onslaught for a few weeks, and also allows you to ‘take a bit off the top’ to neaten the edges if you think that your natural muff is too unruly (I like to pet mine like a wild beast).

The Brazilian is everything, front, inner lips, and arse crack. Usually they leave a small ‘landing strip’ for the penis-plane to guide it’s way in at night (glowing lights are optional).

The Hollywood is for anyone who fancies a vagina that looks like a 6 year old’s. No hair. Anywhere. You’ll be there for a good 45minutes so bring some good conversation.

So what actually happens?

Your lovely assistant will breeze into the room and sort out her items. After making sure you know what you want – I had no idea what I wanted and asked her for nothing drastic, just a classic triangle – she’ll then wipe down the desired waxing area  with some witch hazel gel and some places will then pat over some talcum powder to help the wax cling to the hair (I tend to find the talcum powder makes it more painful so request not to use it). So onto the job itself, starting with the right side the assistant will ask you to place your knee out to the side and rest your right foot against the inside of your left knee, this makes the skin taught and decreases chances of bruising. Some places ask you to help pull the skin tight, others will just get on with it, each are acceptable and do the job. They’ll then dab hot wax across the inside of your thigh (feels rather nice) along the bikini line, gently press down a strip, rub along it to make sure it’s sticking and then tug it away in one quick stinging motion. Repeat for 15mins until area is complete on both sides. Fin.

Right so I’m done, can I have sex straight away?

Best not. Most places advise you to stay away from hot showers, communal bathing areas, tight clothing, and any kind of rubbing action. The skin is pretty sensitive afterwards so any undue attention can cause a rash to appear, so that means sauna-orgies are off the table for at least 2 days.

What about after-care?

You’ll likely have a gleaming vagina straight after, but a few hours later a small red rash-like appearance may set in. Just leave it alone and let it calm down, you have just had hair ripped from your skin, you can’t expect there to be no blow-back. This usually calms down within a day or two. Witch Hazel gels are a nice idea to keep the area clean and decrease your chances of ingrown hairs or spots. After a few days begin a regime of exfoliation and moisturisation. Have a rub at yourself in the shower and dab on some fragrance free moisturiser after – this helps the regrown hair get through the skin without the danger of irritating ingrown hairs.

-VJ