One of the benefits of being in a relationship like mine, is that I don’t get flowers and chocolates as gifts. I much prefer flowers in the ground (alive) and I rarely eat chocolate (I prefer savoury food, like mozzarella balls, as snacks). So instead of those things, I get surprise deliveries from LoveHoney, Ann Summers and the like.

I’ve got a week off work so I’m generally sitting, watching Orange is the New Black, with tea all day. This is lucky, or I would have missed this particular delivery.


What delights do we have in here…?


I have to say I’ve always liked anything wrapped in tissue paper. There’s something about that rustling noise that says ‘this is just for you’.



Mortimer has just informed me that this was supposed to be bigger, so I’m to go online and choose a bigger one (for training…). However, I shall keep this one as it solves the issue we were having with the last one (it didn’t have a handle at the bottom and has on one occasion disappeared, which caused a bit of panic and a lot of hilarity).

Mystery Item

What’s this?

Essential Lube

Of course. ALWAYS USE LUBE. Rule no.1 of ass-play. ALWAYS USE LUBE. Don’t find out the hard way.

There’s still more in the box… What do we think? Any guesses?

Slave Collar

I remember seeing a woman in a collar as a kid in a shop window in Paris (my grandparents’ favourite restaurant was in an interesting quartier). I’m not sure I understood it then, and I’m pretty sure I don’t understand it now, but I do know unwrapping this made me want to strip, put stockings and a pair of heels on, and seek out Mortimer at work to be pulled into a dark cupboard and have him whisper ‘slave’ in my ear while fucking me. In short, it turned me on.

Thank you, Mortimer. Let’s play.

– MJ