Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy – A Review of Violet Blue

UltimateGuidetoSexualFantasy2e_hires (1)

 (Oh man, he’s not looking up her skirt and she is FOR SURE not wearing panties. Missed out there buddy.)

 So recently MJ and I were approached to write a review for the above book: The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy, by renowned (probably more so in America, soz Violet, we hadn’t really come across you but are very glad we have now) sex blogger, sex educator, journalist,erotica author and all round badass Violet Blue. Violet currently has a slew of books available on Amazon ranging from the ‘Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus‘ – a must have for every (wo)man’s Christmas stocking – to various collections of the ‘Best of’ women’s erotica as well as an intriguing title called ‘Kissing: A Field Guide‘ (Is it about kissing in fields? A military operation style guide to Kissing? We just don’t know) it seems that Ms Blue has written about every debauched and delicate sexual act known to humanity. Thankfully, she’s amalgamated her superior sexual knowledge all into this wondrous little (I say little, it is 288 pages of dirty flirty fun) collection that is The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy.

The front cover promises to lead you by a pink-leather gloved hand through the sensational world of ‘Incredible Sex with Role Play, Sex Games, Erotic Massage, BDSM play and Much, Much more’ and to be honest, I was a bit incredulous to start. ‘All in one book?’ I scoffed as I opened the first page, ‘she’s surely bitten off more than she can chew, even if she does cover biting fetishes’, and I’m happy to admit I was wrong.

Across 12 chapters, Violet leads you through an increasingly exciting sexual landscape, and leaves you at the end feeling 1) Horny, 2) Intrigued & Excited, and most importantly 3) Well informed. Her chapters unfold with an eloquent ease, slowly but surely progressing from the basics of how to understand what it is that you want, and how to bring these fantasies into your own sexual domain (i.e. how to fuck yourself whilst thinking of something/someone/somewhere incredibly hot and possibly taboo – see Chapters 1&2), to how to begin to communicate these desires with your partner (i.e. how to get from missionary to a ménage à trois in a few easy steps- see Chapter 3). The book unravels with a slow and tempered pace, which you inadvertently become enraptured with. I usually find myself flicking to the good parts of sexual guides (sod the ‘getting in touch with yourself’ and get me to the spanking and sex games) but with The Ultimate Guide I found the early chapters as intriguing and if not more important than the more scintillating closing chapters on Fetishes, Sex Games and BDSM. The  structure of each chapter is well plotted and nonthreatening, written in a way that simultaneously seduces and educates you about whichever topic Violet has turned her sassy pen to. Each chapter begins with a general exposition about a topic and seeks to ask the questions that most of us are too afraid/embarrassed/repressed to ask:  ‘What exactly constitutes a fetish’, ‘How do I ask for a spanking’, ‘Where can I go for a gangbang’, ‘Is it ok to be turned on by balloons’, ‘What are the rules at a sex party’, and so on and so forth. Her answers are well researched and comprehensive with a MASSIVE appendix of resources and references at the end of the book with recommended fiction and non-fiction texts to get your specific motor running (Chapters 13&14).

Each section of Violet’s book seeks to draw your desires out into the open, bringing them out into a space where you can fully explore and discuss them without hint of judgement or embarrassment. After getting you to think about what it is that you want and how you might want it, each specific chapter progresses into a series of descriptive scenarios and scenes giving you tangible and titillating ideas for how to put your new found fantasy into practice.  One of the most helpful sections I found was Chapter 4 – Role Play. Now I’m really not one for Role Play, maybe one day I’ll find the idea of dressing up as someone else a delightful erotic experience, but for now I enjoy having sex as me far too much to pretend to be anybody else. Then again, perhaps I just haven’t found the right outfit…though this one is a contender for some future comic book inspired sexual antics (I know MJ enjoys the occasional dress up see our post: School Girls and Supergirls). Despite my non-interest in dress up, I found this Chapter intriguing, mostly due to the intricate and extensive number of scenarios Violet outlines. Role play isn’t simply a case of ‘here put this skirt on and giggle’ but an opportunity to embrace a side of yourself that doesn’t often get an airing, perhaps I’ll unleash something as a result of this review…

What is perhaps the smartest element of the book is the way it is written in time with your own arousal. I’m not ashamed to admit that at several moments this book made me so wet I nearly slipped off my chair. The progression of the text is intelligent and builds up in waves, much like an orgasm. The exposition of each section draws you in and gets your sexual synapses flaring, the extensive scenarios, bullet points, and suggestions get your juices flowing and just to tip you over the edge, occasional chapters close with a well written piece of accompanying erotica. Brilliant. You find yourself being drawn into a cycle of:

1) Oh this sounds fun!

2) Actually it sounds hot, I wonder how to do x, y, z, I’ve always wanted to try it out…

3) Oh shit that’s a great suggestion, I’ll have to talk about that with John.

4) God damn now I’m turned on.

5) Thank fuck, here’s some splendid erotica.

6) *Masturbation intensifies*.

7) Oh look, I’m only on Chapter 3!

8) Repeat above until end of book.

So that’s it. If you’re looking for a comprehensive guide to just about absolutely everything you could ever do with your genitals, and the genitals of others, then look no further. The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy is your ticket to a host of new and rejuvenated sexual rides. From spiritless spouses, to salacious singles, Violet Blue’s book has a fantasy for everyone. Why not treat yourself, and others?

– VJ

Post Script, a note from MJ

fantasy pinecoe

(From casual cunnilingus to hardcore kink, Violet Blue covers every sexual fantasy you’ve ever heard of…apart from maybe pinecones)

Everything I liked about this book, VJ has summed up above, but I will add the following: Violet Blue is someone I’d like to meet and someone I’d like to know. She writes in a friendly tone, which is approachable and easy to read, but is also wise, knowledgeable, empathetic and understanding about a topic that is often difficult to broach and explore. She encompasses diversity and allows for those who still aren’t sure what they enjoy; this book isn’t just for your heterosexual married couple looking to spice up their love life, it’s for anyone who is intrigued by the limits of their own sexuality. Ms Blue explores the delight we can find in exploring our imagination, delving into realistic or completely fantastical fantasies, and the fun we can have sharing them with others.

Realising your most intimate fantasies can be difficult (see VJ’s recent post: Fantasy and Subversion), but it can also bring great enjoyment and fulfillment. Mortimer (Introducing: MJ) has never been shy about what he enjoys, and has always encouraged me to do the same. As a consequence we enjoy sex individually and as a couple far more than I ever had done before. Violet Blue encourages this same environment – openness, communication, trust and honesty with yourself and others – as the key to unlocking the fun and enjoyment behind your deepest desires, but she doesn’t throw you in at the deep end, and there is no element of boasting about her own sexual knowledge, which is refreshing. Through the book you are led step-by-step through various scenarios and given a wealth of information around the logistics side of things, but you are also encouraged to take stock of your feelings, thoughts and emotions, and given the confidence to verbalise them, honestly, building relationships with those who you’ve brought along for the ride. It can be incredibly difficult to shed the guilt surrounding sexual enjoyment, especially for women, and consequently never fully enjoy sex. This book is about that discovery, but also about pushing it one step further and acting out your desires in the realistic setting of your bedroom, home or M&S changing room (whatever takes your fancy).

This isn’t just another book about sex, this book encourages you to do what we here at TLB also encourage; discover yourself, feel no guilt for what you enjoy and see where it takes you. The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy helps you to bridge the connection between your body and your mind which is a connection that will take you places you never even dreamed of. Read this book and build the confidence to always keep pushing your sexual boundaries, whether just in your mind or with a partner. I dare you.

– MJ

Violet Blue’s Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy is published by Cleis Press and is available as paperback and ebook now.

*We will be posting up a couple more specific reviews over the weekend, covering those topics and sections from the book that we decided to put into practice, much to the delight of our sexual companions. Watch this space, and thanks for reading.*