Ultimate Guide to BDSMassage
So I’ve recently had the pleasure of indulging in Violet Blue’s Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy, and while MJ and I have put up a more general review piece we’ve decided to split this Weekend into a dual post delight, each of us focusing on aspects of the guide that we found most appealing. My section will cover two aspects of Violet’s sensual and suggestive text that I had the sheer enjoyment of trying out with John a few weeks ago: BDSM and Erotic Massage.
I thought it would be fun to try out two sections of the book at different ends of the kink spectrum, beginning with pretty low-key and fun Erotic Massage (Chapter 6) and building to some more intense activities taken from Violet’s suggestions on Dominance & Submission (Chapter 10). My choice to review these chapters was in no way influenced by the fact I had very tight shoulders in need of tending to…or new restraints in need of testing.
Lets begin with Erotic Massage:
Violet’s book is very keen to get across the idea of activities for two (or three, or four, or more). Her approach to fantasy sees it as something designed to be shared, to be expressed and enjoyed by multiple parties. For Violet, every outing is an opportunity for arousal. Why make the process of buying massage oil and lube simply a dull chore? Turn the event into a game. Go out with the express aim of buying sexual items and turn up the heat along the way. Our shopping excursion was coupled with John having to buy new office-wear, a chore that provided the perfect opportunity for secret changing room fondles and make out sessions. ‘You can’t buy those trousers, your erection is clearly visible’, ‘That shirt looks good, take it off’ etc. etc. I always tend to wear specifically chosen underwear when out in public with John, namely thin lace bras to allow easy nipple pinching access, and no underwear, for easy general access. Allowing us to play and tease throughout the day. (For more on Public Sex see Chapter 8). Like any good sexual encounter, the key to arousal from public games is denial and postponement. Unless you’re simply gagging for it, spend a few leisurely hours on your shopping trip and buy your naughty items at the last point of the day. The build up will be worth it.
After spending a good few hours sullying various changing rooms with filthy whisperings and teasing touches, John and I finally made it to the Body Shop to buy our tools and treats for the evening, and ended up purchasing the lovely items you can see below:
As Violet explicitly states, massage is one of the corner stone acts of sexual satisfaction. Whether you involve it as part of a Role-play activity (Sexy/Slutty Masseuse), a chore set by a Dom for a Sub, or simply a sensual activity, erotic massage is one of the sure-fire ways to get every nerve-end tingling:
“No role-playing scenario involving nurses or masseuses
can convince, no public hand job can really sing, no
seductive pampering session can be complete without
the tricks and delights of genital massage.”
Violet suggests taking a bath or a shower before the actual massage, allowing the skin to warm and relax and for easier application of the oils. Bathing is also an extremely sensual act, allowing your partner to wash your hair or rub in some soap can give a delightfully steamy start to your session. Over the course of the evening I believe John and I had 3 showers, and found out to our dismay that our height difference makes Shower Sex out of the question unless I were to install a small step. Sad times. I think the toilet got more than it bargained for as well, those things are not designed for two people to sit on and thrust FYI.
Violet’s top tips for erotic massage make evident that whole body stimulation is the key. You don’t want to go diving in for the clitoris at the very start.
“Instead, tease, touch, and knead other areas such as the face, shoulders, back, chest, breasts, thighs, and hips…Take time to work up your lover’s arousal before you move to genital massage”
We began with a reciprocal massage session, starting with each other’s backs and taking turns to knead out the knots in our stressed bodies. The utter relaxation I got from the warm touch of my partner, coupled with the heady scent of the ylang-ylang body oil kicked me into a high state of arousal. Closing your eyes or using a blindfold is a great way to heighten sensations and smells, allowing you to sink deeper into anticipation and arousal. As Violet suggests, massage gives a perfect opportunity for role play and dress-up, but depending on your tastes you may want to simply divest yourself of clothing altogether and get your other limbs involved – massaging one another with your entire bodies. John and I opted for the second option and the slipping and sliding over one another soon lead to slipping and sliding into one another. (Remember Oil isn’t suitable for penetration, switch to a water-based lube for that).
After round one we hit the showers for a nice extended kissing session, washing the oil from one another and returning to the bed with warm soft skin ready for another session. While your hands are the best tools available to you for stimulation, you can always increase excitement and stimulation by bringing in a variation of sex toys into the act. Which is precisely what we did next. Beginning again with the delay tactics set out by Violet, we began to build up the heat, but this time instead of fingers delving around my nethers, John began to play with my trusty Bullet:
The bullet is simply one of my favourite toys, small, discreet, and powerful it can deliver a great buzz to any/every erogenous zone you can think of. Having my trusty toy in the hands of someone else also provided new thrills and sensations, they think of places to use it that perhaps you might not, or places that are awkward or impossible to reach. As Violet keeps repeating, don’t be frightened to share your toys and fantasies, bring them out into the open and reap the many, many, benefits. (By benefits I mean orgasms, lots and lots of orgasms).
Having wound me up into a frantic state of arousal, John saw the opportunity to take control of my flailing limbs by binding them to the bed frame. Now any of you who have been following TLB for a while, you know that John and I don’t get up to as nearly as much depraved and taboo activities as my co-blogger MJ and Mortimer. I enjoy being submissive in the bedroom but it’s a very fluid role: I’m as likely to submit to a good spanking and bondage session as I am to flip the cuffs over and ride John until the wee hours of the morning. Most information I read about BDSM and all the fun activities it involves seem to state that the position of the Dom and the Sub are entirely fixed, unchangeable and unwavering. They appear to suggest that if you want to fully enjoy the world of Dominance and Submission you have to pick a role and keep to it, and invest in a lot of leather. That is simply not true. Violet states:
“You don’t have to misbehave to get spanked, and you don’t have to be a slave to be sexually used by someone you love…it’s important to note that while some people prefer submissive play in power-exchange fantasies, and others prefer to be dominant in every exchange, many people enjoy a bit of both worlds…Who do you want to be?”
You can enjoy bondage without having to put on a character role, you can enjoy being spanked without having done something ‘bad’, you can have your hair pulled tight and your arms bound tighter, not because of any strange transgression (being called a “bad girl” does send shivers through me but is always coupled with internal confusion “What? Why? What did I do?”) but simply because it feels fucking good.
Final stages, Candles, Restraints and Stilettos.
(Tracy Cox Soft Bondage Kit including 4 restraints and velvet blindfold & vanilla scented candles)
With this new fluidity and acceptance in mind John and I brought a few more items into play (we didn’t actually use the stilettos for anything, but you could easily bring them into your own games and outfits, there’s something quite hot about being nude except for a pair of great shoes). The Tracy Cox soft bondage kit is great for anyone looking to get into bondage but not wanting to suffer any serious friction. The velvet bonds are strong but comfortable and give you that feeling of powerlessness without cutting into your skin. Anyone who is looking for more bite with their bondage should really take a look at Violet’s chapter on S&M and her extensive lists of resources at the end of the book. Bound, blindfolded and blissfully aroused John proceeded to involve more items into my massage experience. Tied to the four corners of my bed we indulged in the sensation play that Violet suggests in her guide to erotic massage, switching between hands and toys, tongues and teeth, tracing everything across the length of my body to thrilling effect. I have to say, I was wet, and not from the oil. At the height of my arousal John decided to bring a new item into play. One that we had only teasingly toyed with one drunken evening at a pub. Candles.
Candles are a lot of fun.
Wax however, is not.
Make sure that you’re not going to be ruining any favourite lingerie pieces, hair (pubic or otherwise) or bed sheets (unless ruining is part of your scene) as wax is a tricky buggar to get off (as John and I found in our third shower of the evening). The higher you drip the wax, the less intense the heat will be when it hits your partner’s excitedly pink flesh. Start dripping from a fair distance above the body, and refrain from dripping directly onto genitals (unless you are experienced in such things), the shock of the hot liquid hitting your skin and stinging slightly is enough to make you gasp and writhe. Unless pain is your pleasure, stop here. For more intense ideas you may want to attach clamps and pour the wax from a closer distance, to each their own. But as Violet states ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS have consent and discuss your limits beforehand.
Candles are just one of the many things you can do when at the mercy of your partner, Violet suggests a string of exciting ideas under the title “Teasing your Captive”, from masturbating just out of reach, slowly rubbing your captive’s body with a myriad of different textures (silk, fur, whips), to the occasional bite, spank, and slap there are a ton of wicked things you can do to your restrained and helpless lover.
So I hope that’s given you a few ideas, for more suggestions, tips, and techniques I fully recommend that you invest in your own pleasure and take a peek in the Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy. You might just surprise yourself.