Ultimate Guide to Threesomes

Threesomes, Foursomes and Moresomes
As you know, this week VJ and I are reviewing Violet Blue’s Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy. VJ published her tried and tested post yesterday (Ultimate Guide to BDSMassage), and today it’s my turn. I’m going to say straight away that I’m sorry. I’m sorry because I haven’t tried out the chapter I’m reviewing. Believe me, I want to, I really do. Just, it’s not that easy (as you’ll find out). The chapter I decided to review was on a topic that has interested me for a while now: Threesomes, Foursomes and Moresomes. Before I met Mortimer threesomes were a far off, male aspiration; it was never going to happen for me. As a consequence, I never thought about it and therefore never got excited about it. Needless to say, Mortimer has opened my eyes to how much fun it could be, but more so than that, he has opened my eyes to experimenting with girls. Which, I have to say, is frustrating seeing as I’m in a relationship I like very, very much and am not really in a position to be experimenting at all. Enter: threesome. We regularly talk about the idea of introducing a girl and I’ve written a range of erotic stories that all include me playing with a girl and Mortimer joining in. It is now my number one fantasy.

The longer Mortimer and I have talked about it, the more I’ve realised that it’s not something that just happens. It doesn’t always just fall into place like in movies, and if it does it’s not likely to be the dream fantasy that you’ve always imagined. This is something that Violet emphasises quite emphatically in the first few sections of this chapter. She also highlights the multitude of logistical problems that you can encounter when going ahead with multiple-people sex. For example, in your wildest fantasy did you ever actually consider how to manoeuvre three bodies instead of two? It just sort of ‘happens’ when you think about it, right? Well, think about it harder. For example, I know that to start with, my main focus would be the other girl because I’d get over excited. The first problem this is going to cause is: I’ve never been with another girl. so I know what I’d want to do, but that might not at all be what she’d like me to do. Secondly, what about Mortimer? I’d just assume that he’d sort of… work it out, but that’s not good enough. I need to actually think about what he could be doing, what he would want to be doing and what he want doing to him.

Also, in my fantasies, I assume that the people I include would actually be totally up for it. I always think of mutual friends of Mortimer and I, but it had never actually occurred to me that I would suggest it to them and that they’d say no. Of course, now I think about it, if it’s not what they want then it’s not going to happen. You’ve got to have a pretty comprehensive list if you’re going to really go for it, because likelihood is your first option might be a little freaked out to start with. These are all things that Blue’s book has forced me consider. I’ve started a list of ‘potentials’ in my head, and I’ve started realising that I need to think about everyone’s desires and fantasies, not just my own.

Kristen Stewart in On the Road

The best bit about Violet’s writing, as I mentioned in our initial review (Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy – A Review of Violet Blue), is her empathy and understanding of the human emotions that will come into play when trying to realise your most intimate fantasies. When it comes to threesomes, emotions play a big part in making sure that your dreams will literally come true. For me, the biggest concern is jealousy. I can imagine that seeing me perform cunnilingus on a girl we both find attractive is not going to be a problem for Mortimer, but seeing Mortimer kiss and possibly have sex with another girl? I can’t tell how I’m going to react to that (and I could be wrong about Mortimer, he might get unexpected RAGE at the cunnilingus). I can think a lot about how I’d LIKE to react, how I’ll PLAN to react, but if I have an unexpected reaction I need to know that I can say something or that it’s all going to be ok if I can’t carry on. In this vein, Violet’s words were extremely comforting. She understood all the ways I might possibly feel, and gave me constructive, practical ways of coping with as many situations that may arise as possible. I feel confident that, whilst I can’t plan my reaction, talking about it as much as possible before hand will mean that I can be open and clear while it’s happening.

“Do only the things that turn you on, make you hot, and make you both feel good. Your partnership should always be more important at every moment than the experience you’re having. Don’t be afraid to say that you can’t deal with something, and don’t be afraid to stop the action if you become upset. Check in with each other’s feelings as often as possible. Remember, this is about a fantasy you share—if one of you is having a bad time, it’s not working and should be changed or stopped.” – Violet Blue

Violet encourages you to define clear rules, for all parties. For example, if you worried that you might react strongly to seeing your partner kiss someone else, then say you need a rule to ensure that won’t happen. What Violet states most clearly, is that you can’t let any concerns and worries get in the way of realising your fantasies, you just have to work with them. This is exactly what I like about The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy; she walks you through creating your own opportunities to fulfil your fantasies, whatever they may be. Don’t rule out a threesome because you’re worried about getting jealous: talk about it, create rules and forge your own path. I will also love Violet Blue for eternity for introducing me to the phrase ‘love sandwich’. I have dreamt of a million variations of a love sandwich since I read it and they are all glorious.

At the end of this chapter, I feel I can actually make a threesome happen. I want to talk to Mortimer about it, I want to mention it to the friend that I really, really fancy. For me, this is no longer a vague ambition, but a tangible reality. It’s something I feel is almost within my reach, and that, I’m guessing, is exactly what Violet Blue is trying to help everyone achieve.

– MJ